Truth

Dear God,

I really need your help.

Please be with me next wednesday....

I'm really scared about going back.

At first i thought i was ready, but now i'm not so sure...

I'm afraid to meet Sally face to face, Taylor too...and Audrianna.

I feel horrible about what I did and how it completely destroyed my life...

my relationships with everyone around me.

even though i really felt like i loved her...i am so confused now, Help me.

also i'm scared about growing up...

my dad and mom say how much i've "matured".

i don't want to change...

i'm scared to change.

I wanna get over this...but i don't even know where to begin or what that even

means!

I'm sick and tired of what i've become!

I was jealous of Taylor.

I don't want to be like this anymore!

I miss my old friends, they way we used to be.

with out all this freaking crap. (sorry)

I want this year to be full of revelations.

I want us all to be together again, new and old friends.

please...i'm tired of all of this...

i want to apologize to sally, but i don't want upset anyone...like my mom.

or even sally again, i've already said 'sorry' about 3 times.

she won't listen to me anymore i bet.

I don't think any one understands what i'm going through...but You (of course).

they all say get over it, i don't know how...i don't know how!!! I DON'T KNOW

HOW!!!!!!!

it hurts so much.

i'm tired of pretending to everyone that i'm fine, that i've gotten over it.

i'm also tired of how whenever i cry or act depressed everyone thinks it's for the

same thing.

why did you give me such a soft heart...?

what's your plan?

why did you give me one that doesn't learn?

why did you give me one that hurts, that's so tender?

why?

why?

i just don't understand....why did all of this happen?

why?

why?

WHY?

I don't understand!!!!

what is that you want me learn?

it's been almost 3 years....

what am i waiting for?

am i the only one who feels this way?

why isn't it as easy for me as it is for them?

why do I act the way i do?

putting her down behind her back...is it defense?

it hurts.

it still hurts after all these months...all these years!

even during summer vacation, i can't forget it!

that's all i want to do!

is forget it all!

but why?!?

why can't i?!

WHY?!?!?

why is it so hard?

I'm Scared.

please help.

please.

Please i NEED you with me.

I don't know what to do....show me that you're here.

please.

please.

i'm begging you.

You're the only one who knows me.

You know how i tick, how I fake being ok.

you know what i'm going through.

You know what each tear falls for, even if i don't.

i don't want to dump all my problems on you...but You say, give me your
burden...but why?

why would you want to carry mine too?

when You have the whole world to worry about?

Am I really that important to You?

How could you care about some teen who has drama problems that are her own
fault?

How?

and why?

why did you choose to love me?

after all that i've done wrong?

I just don't understand how.

I don't want to hold 'self pity' but that's how i really feel.

that all of this...every thing is entirely my fault!!!!

it hurts.

it hurts.

If You knew all of this was going to happen...they why did You let it?

what am i supposed to learn now?

what happens next?

Please help me.